| Monday, February 20th, 2006 |
| 12:18 am |
So I am really starting to wonder does anyone ever check this just to see if I wrote anything in it lately......I mean if someone does hey just tell me you can leave it as uknown person if you wish just give me a heads up otherwise I believe I am gonna have to take out the need to remember things and delete this account wow it's cool I got another journal oh well just started to wonder |
| Thursday, December 16th, 2004 |
| 10:05 am |
I feel like I have been try'n to run away and I have ran so far and lately I have been looking back and everything that I ran from is not even a step away...I am tired and far from in the mood to run anymore....so where do I go from here....I cant give myself the answer and I am sure as hell no one else can or cares to... I own up to it I have done some shit that was so wrong I could only wish to pull it out of everyones memory..but that is something in life that just cant happen....I be'n only 21 wish I could go back now and do things over...I guess when u step out and look in as a person from the outside u see things in a different point of view....I have push'd everyone away to pull them back to drag them down with me to push them away again...I am just a worthless liar. I am just an imbecile. I will only complicate you. Trust in me and fall as well. I will find a center in you. I will chew it up and leave, I will work to elevate you Just enough to bring you down. Trust me. That hits home......It is like fear keeps me from give'n my all and/or 100% let'n go...it is like if someone said to me that I could have anything 100% but I have to give up everything else but that one thing would be so perfect and I would be happy and taken care of no worries and no fear I would give everything up.....but in the real world that never happens that is not my life nor is that anyone lifes....I hate the world and all this bullshit and I hate the hand that I have been dealt I dont wanna play anymore....I wanna be ok.... Current Mood:  jealousCurrent Music: scars papa roach |
| Monday, December 29th, 2003 |
| 4:55 pm |
Thank you evan for your double standards thank you evan for everything I hope whatever girl ends up with my stuff enjoys it....I hope the past 2 years r worth everything that has come of it.......I hope such a small thing like a friend is greater then love... I hope you r happy and I hope that I dunno anymore I really dont I dunno what to feel think know believe what emotions I should feel anything I am lost god damn you evan fuck you fuck you fuck you thanks for everything cause you are just as low as I am maybe for the same things and maybe for different but damn it was such small small things...........fuck this all I wanna go leave fuck it whatever anymore fuck everything cause this never stick'n around shit is bullshit.........fuck me man for be'n such a child when man things r way bigger then my eyes will ever let me see fuck my life cause I dont wanna have it anymore.......and just to make it clear this has nothing to do with gavin so b-4 anyone takes this and makes it more or reads between lines that r not there take this all for what it is cause damn fuck it anymore what does half this shit mean anymore other then a fuck'n bitch ride down a fuck'n shitty ass road that never seems to go in the right direction........oh well I guess my mindless talk means just about shit anyways to most that is for damn sure.......so whatever I guess when I have more to bitch about and I will be sure of this cause right now it is early and gavin is up and I cant get my thoughts together for the life of me but hey nothing new I just need someone to help me out and carry my ass for once.......... so thanks for anyone who wants to try cause this shit is way more then my hands can deal with.......I am so done I just wanna cry........................and that I will do |
| Sunday, December 28th, 2003 |
| 2:07 pm |
YaY it works it works...........haha okay so yeah with all that happiness cause this damn thing works I really dont wanna update.........cause hehe someone will get a little pissy with me I think I may just get a new journal anyways..........oh well I guess I might update later......... |
| 2:06 pm |
why has this damn thing been so gay |
| Sunday, December 7th, 2003 |
| 7:55 am |
I see
there will never be another me and no matter what they do there will never be another you you can search but you'll never find you can try to rewind time but in your heart and your mind we will never die we are forever alive and we continue growin one day at a time.. Note: If you alter the code above your account will be disabled or we may show ads on your site or a big image that tells everyone you have stolen this counter or we will call you names and take away your birthday. When a woman tells the truth, she is creating the possibility for more truth around her. |
| Saturday, November 8th, 2003 |
| 7:36 pm |
Today should have been a happy day but somehow it turns out to be just as shitty as the last few days and I am sure the next few THO there was an upside to today and I hope but know it wont happen again so yeah blah went to brendas wedding never thought she would marry b-4 I did but oh well not really oh well but u know I cant change things I guess blah b-4 I make this a huge deal I am gonna shut up |
| Monday, October 6th, 2003 |
| 7:31 am |
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| Sunday, September 14th, 2003 |
| 4:54 pm |
They wanted me To be the dream But my mood went south And I'm stuck on the couch in bad jeans And the couch sucks me down to the floor And the floor sucks me down to the earth And I'm covered and buried before My heart had a chance to start working Hey, It's heavy underground I'm screaming for attention So come dig me out And I say Hey somebody can you hear me now 'Cause my world is caving in So come dig me out It's raining again And who've guessed No one's come along to tell me that I'm a mess And the bed sucks me down through the floor And the floor sucks me down through the earth And I'm covered and buried before My head had a chance to stop hurting Hey, It's heavy underground I'm screaming for attention So come dig me out And I say Hey somebody can you hear me now 'Cause my world is caving in So come dig me out I never thought I could fall ten feet under I always thought someone would remember To look for me Before I reach the end Hey somebody can you hear me now 'Cause my world is caving in So come dig me out Current Mood:  bored |
| Friday, August 22nd, 2003 |
| 10:30 am |
Tilling my own grave to keep me level Jam another dragon down the hole Digging to the rhythm and the echo of a solitary siren One that pushes me along and leaves me so Desperate and ravenous Im so weak and powerless over you Someone feed the monkey while I dig in search of China White as Dracula as I approach the bottom Desperate and ravenous Im so weak and powerless over you Little angel go away Come again some other day Devil has my ear today I'll never hear a word you say He promised I would find a little solace and some piece of mind Whatever just as long as I don't feel so Desperate and ravenous So weak and powerless Desperate and ravenous Im so weak and powerless over you Over you Current Mood:  cheerfulCurrent Music: duh APC |
| Thursday, August 14th, 2003 |
| 9:51 am |
pretty girl is suffering while he confesses everything. pretty soon she'll figure out what his intentions were about. and that's what you get for falling again; you can never get him out of your head. and that's what you get for falling again; you can never get him out of your head. it's the way that he makes you feel. it's the way that he kisses you. it's the way that he makes you fall in love. she's beautiful as usual with bruises on her ego and her killer instinct tells her to be aware of evil men. and that's what you get for falling again; you can never get him out of your head. and that's what you get for falling again; you can never get him out of your head. it's the way that he makes you feel. it's the way that he kisses you. it's the way that he makes you fall in love. it's the way that he makes you feel. it's the way that he kisses you. it's the way that he makes you fall in love....love.... pretty girl... pretty girl... pretty girl is suffering while he confesses everything. pretty soon she'll figure out: you can never get him out of your head. it's the way that he makes you cry. it's the way that he's in your mind. it's the way that he makes you fall in love. it's the way that he makes you feel. it's the way that he kisses you. it's the way that he makes you fall in love...love.... |
| Tuesday, August 12th, 2003 |
| 11:13 am |
oops yeah I forgot about livejournal oh well hmmmm the past month has been crazy became friends with one of the last people I thought I would be friends with (jen) she went out with ang and everything ang ever said about her was bad me and jen years like 5 years ago got in a few fights well I guess with time and once I really talk'd to her I learn'd a few things and we get along now hehe how odd she is so cool and most everyday there for awhile I was hang'n out with her then I went to ozzfest it so kick'd ass hehe evan and the person who got my ticket and took me seem to have a little moment but I have to say evan won that one cause I spent all day with evan and got a ride with him and his friends that night hehe still have not talk'd to the person I went with oh well and now today gavin gets his 1st hair cut hehe yeah |
| Saturday, July 19th, 2003 |
| 9:47 am |
I’m tired of your open mouth, Crawling inside my skin, Endless pain we never quit, The fight within that pride's begun, Saying it’s too late, What a man’s got he'll learn to hate Forget the time I said I would, Replace that with I never will Beyond the facts held in your face, Ignore the facts beyond your nose, Saying it’s too late, What a man’s got he'll learn to hate. GROW UP Not without meaning, No response, No revealing. JUST GROW UP |
| Wednesday, July 16th, 2003 |
| 2:23 pm |
It seems I`ve gained the world but have nothing To keep tabs upon this loss isn`t wasted time Face opportunities to recognize, now we have the time Rebuke, don`t choke on this twisted dream `Cause he`ll say pay for it, the whole sum to magnify pain is point number one `Cause he`ll say pay for it, the whole sum to magnify pain is point number one 'Cause, It seems I`ve gained the world but I have nothing To keep tabs upon this loss isn`t wasted time Face opportunities to recognize, now we have the time Rebuke, don`t choke on this twisted dream `Cause he`ll say pay for it, the whole sum to magnify pain is point number one We need a healing aloe plant Your shoothing hands run down my back We need a healing aloe plant Your shoothing hands run down my back |
| Saturday, July 12th, 2003 |
| 11:06 am |
This is my life it´s not what it was before all these feelings i´ve shared and these are my dreams that i´d never lived before somebody shake me´cause i, i must be sleeping. Now that we´re here, it´s so far away all the struggle we thought was invain all the mistakes, one life contained they all finally start to go away now that we´re here, it´s so far away and i feellike i can face the day i can forgive, and i´m not ashamed to be the person that i am today.these are my words i´ve never said before i think i´m doing okay and this isthe smile that i, i ´ve never shown before sombody shake me ´couse i, i must besleeping.Now that we´re here, it´s so far away all the struggle we thought was invain all the mistakes, one life contained they all finally start to go away now that we´re here, it´s so far away and i feellike i can face the day i can forgive, and i´m not ashamed to be the person that i am todayi´m so afraid of waking please don´t shake me afraid of waking pleasedon´t shake me. .Now that we´re here, it´s so far away all the struggle we thought was invain all the mistakes, one life contained they all finally start to go away now that we´re here, it´s so far away and i feellike i can face the day i can forgive, and i´m not ashamed to be the person that i am today Current Mood:  confusedCurrent Music: staind duh |
| Friday, July 11th, 2003 |
| 1:19 pm |
so I come home go to get something to drink and what do I find BUG JUICE now thats odd *throws hands in the air* geez |
| Wednesday, July 9th, 2003 |
| 11:05 pm |
so with today be'n gavins birthday which went well and it was so great he has him cake and made a huge mess and everything it was fun and great ...but then with all that made me remember how things were a year ago and it hurts to bad I have done nothing but cry for the last hour geez I need to shut up about it cause I am just gonna drag myself down even more so yeah today was fun and gavin was such a great child it was like he knew somehow it was his day it was cool the rain put me in mine of how it was when he was born so that was cool hehe it rain'n was about the only thing I can remember about the day he was born haha ok subject change cause that still makes me wanna cry fuck this I am not gonna write anymore cause I dont wanna think about things anymore it hurts to much |
| 7:44 am |
what day is today?
woohoo today is gavins 1st birthday..geez I am so happy..hope today turns out to be nice outside so me and gavin and stay out all day....woohooo well I am gonna go get him in the bath and start our day!!!! yay HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY BABY well geez he is not really my baby he is one today !!!!! |
| Monday, July 7th, 2003 |
| 1:47 am |
Do you think I’m faking when I’m lying next to you? Do you think that I am blind nothing left for me to lose? Must be something on your mind something lost and left behind Do you know I’m faking now? Do you know I’m faking when I’m lying next to you? Do you know that I am blind to everything you ever do? Must be something on your mind something lost for me to find Do you know I’m faking? Then she told me she had a gun it sounded like she’d used it once before on him Then she told me she had a gun it sounded like she’d used it once before, oh man I guess you know I’m faking when I tell you I love you I guess you know that I am blind to everything you say and do Must be something on my mind there’s nothing left for me to hide Do you know I’m faking? Then she told me she had a gun it sounded like she’d used it once before on him Then she told me she had a gun it sounded like she’d used it once before, oh man We have to succumb to the feelings we can never face I need you. I breathe you. I can’t go through this all again. We have to succumb to the feelings we can never face I need you. I breathe you. I can’t go through this… Then she told me she had a gun it sounded like she’d used it once before Then she told me she had a gun it sounded like she’d used it once before on him Then she told me she had a gun it sounded like she’d used it once before, oh man Then she told me she had a gun she says she wants to use it on me now… |
| Sunday, July 6th, 2003 |
| 2:22 pm |
all these punk songs use the word season when is comes to love and relationships.......oh well the past few days I have been stuck on AAF dunno why I always would listen to it when I hung out with travis like forever long ago hehe geez what happen to those times man shit now is hell drama no matter where you go or who you talk to ....just wish people would grow up.. but oh well like it matters I am damn sick of it all and hope something works out soon and I can get the hell outta here |
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